Appreciating where you are.

It's so easy to hope for the next thing. To live for the next trip. To hope for the person you will marry.

But is that the way we should live? Hmmm. Something to think about. We are to live with a hope of what is to come, for sure, but is that in the form of trips, people, etc.? It says in proverbs that a hope deferred makes the heart sick but a longing fulfilled is the tree of life.

So it is not wrong to hope, and wait in expectation, as long as it does not take over our hope in what is to come to SAVE us. And as long as we understand that a deferment of that hope can make us sick. Physically and Spiritually.

With that said, I decided this morning to put on jeans and walk through the grove in Oxford. We are up here for meetings, and I had memories flood me. Overwhelm me, to a degree. It's beautiful, it's spring, it's cool. It's perfect. Literally. The spring in Oxford is one of the best things ever.

I realized that when I was in school here I always hoped for what was to come. To be looking past where I was, and wondering what was next. And I missed it. I took this place so for granted. I took my friends so for granted.

It made me think about where I am and living as if each day is my last. Will definitely give me so much more appreciation for every phase of my life, and will make me stop wishing away where I am.

Fitting In.

So I have recently gone through a bit of a "lonely" phase with friends. Not the kind where I don't feel like I have any - cause for Heaven's sake, I have some of the best friends in this world...but more of a "I-don't-feel-like-I-fit-in-in-my-immediate-surroundings/can-relate/am-not-included" phase. There are people in my life that include me in the minor things, but when it's time to engage in other activities I'm left in the dark.

And I get that. I totally understand it. I understand that I wouldn't have fun/they feel weird, etc., but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when I'm not invited. I'm still an emotional female that has to rationalize my feelings.

So I am reading scripture recently and am reminded of this in 1 Peter 4 (read the whole chapter here - it's good stuff):

¹⁴If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.

And I feel a little better. I think through that: "I am sharing in the sufferings of Christ. He wasn't accepted. He was beaten down in spirit. People thought He was crazy. Yet He still showed them love. Always."

And then I'm hit square between the eyes. Can I claim this scripture? That I am reviled (persecuted) because the glory of the Lord rests on me? Am I really shinning with that glory? um. Reality check.

My attitude has been bad - I have not been sweet to these people. They frustrate me. They hurt me.

Yet God loves me enough to discipline me. To show me this loneliness so I can learn the lesson of what this means. Suffering is going to come for a believer of Jesus. We are meant to share in his sufferings (Romans 5) so we can be more like Him, and a reflection of Him. I have failed miserably to date. But I'm working to get my attitude in check. Understanding that I am going to be left out, but I want it to be because the glory of the Lord rests upon me, and I want to be sure of that. And I want to love these people with an unconditional love and offer unending amounts of grace - for that is what has been offered to me. I have no authority to pass judgment for I am nothing but a filthy rag at my best.

Boston.

For anyone that knows me, they know that I love Boston.

I'm not sure what it is about the city that first drew me in - but I have been captivated since the first time I went. Probably due to the fact that people are just real. They don't fake it. Many don't believe what I believe, and they aren't going to tell me they do. I find that refreshing. I find it freeing that the I'm-going-to-tell-you-and-act-like-you-want-me-to in the south is gone. Removed.

Here are a few pics from my travels. Was up there for two days to see friends, and five more to work. Craziness.

Meeting strangers in the airport.

One positive of an airport layover is people watching. I always wonder where people are from, where they are going, what their family is like and if they know Him.

There are times when I speak, there are times when I am silent, but it never fails that I find myself watching all that surrounds me.

And then I get to the gate that comes home. That beautiful gate that says "Jackson, Miss.". After eight days away, it almost makes me want to cry. So close, yet still away. There is something so refreshing about being around people that call your home their home as well.

Yesterday I noticed an older gentleman sitting across from me in the terminal. I was playing on my phone, my computer, etc. and watched occasionally as he sat quietly, carefully watching his surroundings. He was a very unassuming man - wore wranglers that were dry cleaned with the perfect press, work boots and a button up. He had scruff - the kind of scruff of one that works on the land.

I left to speak to a neighbor of my parents, and came back and rotated seats. I noticed he sat down beside me (facing the other way). He started to talk. About anything and everything. Politics (how he didn't trust anyone in the government), traveling (where he had been), hunting (what he lives to do), marriage (how he had failed) and Jesus.

I guessed I looked like someone that he could talk to. I guess at that moment I had the reflection of Christ and was able to gently open a listening ear. I guess this man was a bit lonely, although he'd never admit it.

And then He rocked my world. He said, "I grew up in a christian family, but did not know what a relationship was like. I just believed, but I didn't know. And then one day, I saw the face of Christ and I knew that He is real. I KNOW Him."

I got chills all over my body. The experience for me was strangely similiar. I believed it cause that was what I was taught. But I know it because He revealed His love and grace over me. And that was that. This sweet older gentleman left me talking about killing a turkey tomorrow (which is today) - doing what he loves most.

Yet I was left with a strong sense of encouragement of my conversations with a sweet, older, unassuming gentleman. My faith is not to be quieted, I am to be bold.

2 Corinthians 3:

⁷Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, fading though it was, ⁸will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? ⁹If the ministry that condemns men is glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! ¹⁰For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. ¹¹And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!

¹²Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold. ¹³We are not like Moses, who would put a veil over his face to keep the Israelites from gazing at it while the radiance was fading away. ¹⁴But their minds were made dull, for to this day the same veil remains when the old covenant is read. It has not been removed, because only in Christ is it taken away. ¹⁵Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. ¹⁶But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. ¹⁷Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. ¹⁸And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect^a]">[a] the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

Thoughts on Turbulence, an Out of Control Airplane, and my Lack of Faith.

The older I get, the more I dislike flying. I've come to believe it's because I live in a small city so we only fly little bitty airplanes in and out of our airport. That said, flying on a little bitty airplane is far different that one that covers the atlantic, pacific, and any other ocean for that matter.

You see, little bitty airplanes hit a pothole in the sky and you drop 5 ft. 10 ft, maybe 30 ft. And then if it's air like, say Riverside Drive, you bounce literally all over the sky.

My flight today to D.C., well, that's exactly what we did. We flew up, down, bounced around a bit, then pointed the nose back up, then dropped 20 ft., 5 ft., 15 ft. The seat light would turn off, come on, turn off....and finally the pilot said, "there is much more bad weather than we expected, so the light is going to remain on". In my mind, he was saying "we aren't sure if we are going to have to make an emergency landing, cause I'm having a hard time roping this animal today - enjoy your trip to the theme park."

So in the midst of the wildness, I turned my iPod to the maximum (never done that before, my ears are still ringing), and put it on praise and started this conversation with God:

M: G, please, please, please. You can tell the air to calm itself with one word, movement of the hand.....please!
G: My sweet child, what are you afraid of? Don't you know that I am in control?
M: I know G, but this out-of-control feeling is terrifying.
G: What is the worse case, that you die? In your death, you will see Me.
M: And how I long for that day! You know what G, please forgive me for doubting you and being so quick to ask for relief, instead of asking for the lesson. If today is my day to die, then bring YOURSELF on.

45 minutes later, it calmed down. But I was strangely okay between the really loud praise music "Our God is greater, Our God is higher, Our God is stronger than any other...and If our God is for us, that who can ever stop us? And if our God is with us, that what could stand against?"....Brings new perspective to " the peace that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus" in Philippians.

³⁵That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, "Let us go over to the other side." ³⁶Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. ³⁸Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke him and said to him, "Teacher, don't you care if we drown?"

³⁹He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

⁴⁰He said to his disciples, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

⁴¹They were terrified and asked each other, "Who is this? Even the wind and the waves obey him!" Mark 4:35-41

*the pretty picture above is not from today.