Fitting In.

So I have recently gone through a bit of a "lonely" phase with friends. Not the kind where I don't feel like I have any - cause for Heaven's sake, I have some of the best friends in this world...but more of a "I-don't-feel-like-I-fit-in-in-my-immediate-surroundings/can-relate/am-not-included" phase. There are people in my life that include me in the minor things, but when it's time to engage in other activities I'm left in the dark.

And I get that. I totally understand it. I understand that I wouldn't have fun/they feel weird, etc., but that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when I'm not invited. I'm still an emotional female that has to rationalize my feelings.

So I am reading scripture recently and am reminded of this in 1 Peter 4 (read the whole chapter here - it's good stuff):

¹⁴If you are reviled for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you.

And I feel a little better. I think through that: "I am sharing in the sufferings of Christ. He wasn't accepted. He was beaten down in spirit. People thought He was crazy. Yet He still showed them love. Always."

And then I'm hit square between the eyes. Can I claim this scripture? That I am reviled (persecuted) because the glory of the Lord rests on me? Am I really shinning with that glory? um. Reality check.

My attitude has been bad - I have not been sweet to these people. They frustrate me. They hurt me.

Yet God loves me enough to discipline me. To show me this loneliness so I can learn the lesson of what this means. Suffering is going to come for a believer of Jesus. We are meant to share in his sufferings (Romans 5) so we can be more like Him, and a reflection of Him. I have failed miserably to date. But I'm working to get my attitude in check. Understanding that I am going to be left out, but I want it to be because the glory of the Lord rests upon me, and I want to be sure of that. And I want to love these people with an unconditional love and offer unending amounts of grace - for that is what has been offered to me. I have no authority to pass judgment for I am nothing but a filthy rag at my best.