This past week has been a trying week to say the least. Nothing is "bad" wrong, but the reality of what is going on within me saddens my heart.
I had to go to the emergency room Monday due to great pain in my abdomen. I figured appendix or gallbladder but it was neither. It was the same disease the world-known doctor diagnosed me with when I was 15, but I chose to believe he did not know what he was talking about.
The ER doctor was a saint, and after many test confirmed my suspicions (after all, we all know when something is not right within us, even if we choose not to believe). I was good. I was collected. He left the room...and I wept.
"Mom, I don't understand. I don't understand why I have to have this condition that will stay with me. I don't understand why Brad had to have epilepsy. Why are we both afflicted with health challenges that cannot be "fixed"?"
And the Lord so gently reminded me of my brother in his first year of his neurology residency - pediatric, at that.
"My child, some things are not meant for you to understand. Do not worry. Trust me. I allow these things to come to you because you are mine and I believe in you. This is so that you can experience My sufferings, and learn to be more like me and be sanctified. Allow it to challenge you, but know that I am with you, so do not let it take over you. Let me show you and remind me of my love for you. I just want to pursue your heart and heal the pain. And remember...one day, I will make you whole. Perfect."
I am Royalty. A child of the loving God: His treasured possession.
Taste and See that the Lord is Good.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Invite Him In.
yes, please. I was just reminded via this daily email, of a time when I let Jesus go to the depth of my heart, and how He healed what was so broken. The mess I had made, and yet He came in, embraced me, and started the process of forgiveness and growth. I heart him.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Expectantly?
I have started writing for a statewide publication called Real Women. My article in the magazine focuses on worshiping God during a season of wait....that wait called singleness.
I went to the reservoir Saturday to spend time with God and prayed He'd give me a word to write about. I am a prideful person. I'd love to write about my perspective on it, but He was quick to tell me to write about what His word says, for it is the only truth.
I was in the old testament (I LOVE THE OT!), and was reminded of the word he had given me a few years back in a tough time:
I don't know about you, but knowing how much God loves me (sheesh, He poured grace over me), and knowing He's trustworthy, I'm pretty excited about the amazing plan coming my way. And I am choosing to wait expectantly!
I went to the reservoir Saturday to spend time with God and prayed He'd give me a word to write about. I am a prideful person. I'd love to write about my perspective on it, but He was quick to tell me to write about what His word says, for it is the only truth.
I was in the old testament (I LOVE THE OT!), and was reminded of the word he had given me a few years back in a tough time:
He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that He might make you understand that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the LORD.It goes on to say that he is bringing me in a new land, much of what he's promised me recently via other areas of scripture. If you back up before these verses, scripture says "For the Lord your God is a FAITHFUL God." Faithful = Trustworthy. And then in Micah 7:7 it says for us to wait expectantly upon the Lord.
I don't know about you, but knowing how much God loves me (sheesh, He poured grace over me), and knowing He's trustworthy, I'm pretty excited about the amazing plan coming my way. And I am choosing to wait expectantly!
In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." -Psalm 5:3
Friday, October 2, 2009
Funny the way it is...
This song hit me the other day. It has no spiritual context, but the words just hit my soul. "Funny the way it is, if you think about it, someone's going hungry while someone else is eating out" ...
And it reminded me how excessively blessed I am. To be able to eat out, while someone down the street is begging for an ounce of food (and across the world). I was also reminded that to be set apart means I need to look different from the world. How is that accomplished? Love others, especially the hurting and the poor. Maybe the next time I decide to go out to dinner, I'll go feed the homeless instead.
Lying in the park on a beautiful day
Sunshine in the grass, and the children play
Siren’s passing, fire engine red
Someone’s house is burning down on a day like this
The evening comes and we’re hanging out
On the front step and a car rolls by with the windows rolled down
And that war song is playing, “why can’t we be friends?”
Someone is screaming and crying in the apartment upstairs
Funny the way it is, if you think about it
Somebody’s going hungry and someone else is eating out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
Somebody’s heart is broken and it becomes your favorite song
The way your mouth feels in your lovers kiss
Like a pretty bird on a breeze or water to a fish
A bomb blast brings a building crashing to the floor
You hear the laughter while the children play war
Funny the way it is, if you think about it
One kid walks 10 miles to school, another’s dropping out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
On a soldier’s last breath his baby’s being born
Standing on a bridge, watch the water passing under me
It must’ve been much harder when there was no bridge just water
Now the world is small, remember how it used to be
With mountains and oceans and winters and rivers and stars
Watch the sky, the jet planes, so far out of my reach
Is there someone up there looking down on me?
Boy chase a bird, so close but every time
He’ll never catch her, but he can’t stop trying
Funny the way it is, if you think about it
One kid walks 10 miles to school, another’s dropping out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
On a soldier’s last breath his baby’s being born
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
Somebody’s broken heart becomes your favorite song
Funny the way it is, if you think about it
A kid walks 10 miles to school, another’s dropping out
Standing on a bridge, watch the water passing under me
It must’ve been much harder when there was no bridge just water
Now the world is small, remember how it used to be
With mountains and oceans and winters and rivers and stars
And it reminded me how excessively blessed I am. To be able to eat out, while someone down the street is begging for an ounce of food (and across the world). I was also reminded that to be set apart means I need to look different from the world. How is that accomplished? Love others, especially the hurting and the poor. Maybe the next time I decide to go out to dinner, I'll go feed the homeless instead.
Lying in the park on a beautiful day
Sunshine in the grass, and the children play
Siren’s passing, fire engine red
Someone’s house is burning down on a day like this
The evening comes and we’re hanging out
On the front step and a car rolls by with the windows rolled down
And that war song is playing, “why can’t we be friends?”
Someone is screaming and crying in the apartment upstairs
Funny the way it is, if you think about it
Somebody’s going hungry and someone else is eating out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
Somebody’s heart is broken and it becomes your favorite song
The way your mouth feels in your lovers kiss
Like a pretty bird on a breeze or water to a fish
A bomb blast brings a building crashing to the floor
You hear the laughter while the children play war
Funny the way it is, if you think about it
One kid walks 10 miles to school, another’s dropping out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
On a soldier’s last breath his baby’s being born
Standing on a bridge, watch the water passing under me
It must’ve been much harder when there was no bridge just water
Now the world is small, remember how it used to be
With mountains and oceans and winters and rivers and stars
Watch the sky, the jet planes, so far out of my reach
Is there someone up there looking down on me?
Boy chase a bird, so close but every time
He’ll never catch her, but he can’t stop trying
Funny the way it is, if you think about it
One kid walks 10 miles to school, another’s dropping out
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
On a soldier’s last breath his baby’s being born
Funny the way it is, not right or wrong
Somebody’s broken heart becomes your favorite song
Funny the way it is, if you think about it
A kid walks 10 miles to school, another’s dropping out
Standing on a bridge, watch the water passing under me
It must’ve been much harder when there was no bridge just water
Now the world is small, remember how it used to be
With mountains and oceans and winters and rivers and stars
Friday, September 11, 2009
Delight
Psalm 18:19 "he rescued me because he delighted in me."
What does delight look like? We are told if we "delight ourselves in the Lord, he will give us the desires of our heart." And then he tells us he will rescue us because he delights in us.
Delight: a high degree of gratification : joy; also : extreme satisfaction
Imagine that. Substitute it - if we place our extreme satisfaction/gratification in the Lord, he will give us the desires of our heart. But if we are placing our satisfaction in him, wouldn't HE be that desire? I'm just sayin.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Single
- Main Entry: 1sin·gle
- Pronunciation: \ˈsiŋ-gəl\
- Function: adjective
- Etymology: Middle English sengle, from Anglo-French, from Latin singulus one only; akin to Latin sem- one — more at same
- Date: 14th century
2 : unaccompanied by others : lone, sole
3 a (1) : consisting of or having only one part, feature, or portion
I think about this definition: unaccompanied by others (lone, sole), consisting of or having only one part, feature, or portion, and I'm challenged. If you think about it, we are never (in Christ) consisting of only one part, so we can never technically be 'single' or 'lone' as it is described. We may be without human companionship, but Christ is always with us.
Um, okay. For those of you who think that is hogwash, take a walk with me. I had a hard time believing 1. He was real, 2. He REALLY could satisfy that longing with himself. Yes, I long, Yes, I hope to be married, Yes, I want to one day enjoy the pleasurable things of marriage. But for now, Is it enough to rest in His love over me? To want anything more means to mistrust him. Let's journey together....
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