Awakened.

Somewhere around 20 I recognized my life was special. Not for anything I had or would do, but because the God of the universe desired for me to be fully satisfied. That satisfaction, built through surrender, would truly take me to His face, His heart and bring fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11).

I learned something precious through the surrender: His glory is the only thing I am to seek. The only thing.

The world is passing away, and also its lusts;
but the one who does the will of God lives forever. I John 2:17

I heard John Piper speak this past weekend at Passion 2010. God was so precious to remind me that the ONLY way we will ever be fully satisfied is through the joy and fullness of God getting glory over our lives. Some may say, wow, that God - he's so jealous for attention. But that attention he seeks is so that we will understand what it means to have purpose, joy, happiness. It's an act of grace and love.

I don't know about you, but I have no clue why someone would desire that for my ugly-ole-self. I understand desperation. I understand the removal and dying of self. I am so tired of me. I am tired of not being kind. Of loving only myself. I am worn out from seeking the things of this earth. I am desperate.